I told Emmy about Randy and I laying on the beach and John coming up to us saying, "Jesus! You look like two pieces of newspaper laying on the sand!" We're white. Grayish white, even. Newspaper was a pretty solid description of our skin pigmentation. I'm like a whiteish-grayish-clear. My veins are VERY apparent. The paleness is why tattoo artists love me and why the cast of the Jersey Shore thinks I should be hospitalized, or at the very least institutionalized. Locked up FAR away from any beach clearly.
I'm ultra-aware of my body and its imperfections. I have trouble walking around my apartment without a towel from the bathroom to my bedroom! I know what I look like (and it may actually look worse in a bikini - score one for Emily). I told Em if we were to go to the nude beach, she'd look ahead in the distance and wonder why there was a white trash bag full of vanilla icing and library books with tattoos blowing about the beach. And frolicking, I would be.
|White trash bag full of vanilla icing and library books with tattoos - on the BEACH!|
The sad part is - I LOVE THE BEACH! I love the fine grains of sand, I love the salty smell, I love the HOT sun. I love writing in the wet sand and dipping my tootsies into the cold water. (I'm irrationally terrified of open water, however, so I don't go too far in. Aquatic plant life that touches my feet is automatically transformed into dead bodies - well, the full heads of hair on the dead bodies- floating somehow close to the floor of the ocean and moving like silk back and forth with the waves... against my legs and any rock is surely a crab or open shark's mouth waiting for me to put my whole foot down.) But I know my limitations. So most of the time, I'm pretty covered, aside from an occasional sunning with just shorts and a bikini top on. OCCASIONAL.
The last time I had a real vacation... well... I can't really remember. I don't know that I actually ever have.
This June, however, I'm having one. I'm going to Portugal and staying HERE. Yes. That's right. The same place Bono stayed. If he wasn't such a tool, I'd boast about it.
Anyhoo, I think it will be my first REAL vacation. Good food, beautiful surroundings, great company and relaxation. Oh, relaxation! I can't wait.
Until then, I'll work on getting some of the vanilla icing out of the trash bag and a few of those library books returned...