Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's (indeed) A Wonderful Life

Mama and I
This holiday was the best, yet.  Wow.  So many people in high spirits.  It was astonishing to me to see the amount of people (family and friends) with smiles plastered on their faces, and zero negativity.  It was like I had stepped in to an alternate universe.  I don't know if there was something in the crispness of the winter air or the fact that it was snowing Christmas weekend or the new babies that were around, but every person I came in contact with was glowing.

Baby Sam and I
It was only after I realized how surprised I was at the happiness that I realized how negative things usually are.  If you're going in expecting things to be down, then they probably usually are.  I was pleasantly surprised.  Maybe I'm not the only one on this journey...

And I don't mean 'negative' necessarily in a complete downer, depressing situation-- I mean, a lot of people I know (including myself) use sarcasm and complain about things for comedy's sake.  There just seemed to be none of that.  There are serious health problems going on and still people spoke about their medical issues with hope.  Same with jobs-- almost everyone you ask has something to complain about when discussing your career situation...  This time, it was more of a "I have no real reason to complain" type of an answer.  It was just an overall refreshing experience.  It made me want to go back home, not fly back to CT and never return (like my Thanksgiving trip had traces of...)
Me and my sister

I got to meet my new baby cousin and visit with my family and friends (and pets).  I laughed so hard that I cried at Johnny Rad's with Emmy and Whit.  It was an all around great trip.


Emmy <3

The full loop
The Mexi-stache
The Dali
This year's Christmas visit is going to be hard to top...

Much love to all.  I hope your holidays were stellar.


Friday, December 24, 2010

Xmas Eve...

I remember back in high school, I drew a huge winter scene on my geometry teacher's chalk board with a snowman and a big banner saying, "MERRY XMAS!!" and I got yelled at.  "How dare you take the "Christ out of "Christmas!!"  It was the first time I had ever thought that that could remotely be considered anti-christian or offensive.  I had seen this elsewhere-- in advertising, even.  At worst, I thought it was a way of saying "Happy holidays" to include all faiths that would be celebrating time with loved ones on the same day.  Apparently some people really take it to heart which has me (an atheist) very cautious about using it. Now, I usually say, "Happy Holidays!", but I really mean no disrespect when I say "xmas"...  So I think I'm gonna bring it back this year.  Woot.

Anyhoo, that was a total side-note.

I wanted to posted a Happy Holiday message and since I'm at the airport super early, I figured now would be a good time.  Dan and I aren't spending the 25th together, unfortunately, but we had a beautiful day.  I really do love that boy to death.

We say:  HAPPY XMAS!

(Oh!  And so does The BBC - Baby Buttcheeks)

I know I should have posted this BEFORE xmas, but I only recently started using mine again.  It's perfect if you're a reader and your partner falls asleep before you!  It's a lightwedge!  They have them in all different sizes and ones that magnify and all that jazz.  I love it.

Find yours HERE!
And on that note, I'm going to whip out my David Sedaris - "Season's Greetings!" and wait to board my flight.  SO looking forward to time with fam and friends (and blue cheese mushroom soup!!!!)  :)

Happy holidays, once again.  One and ALL.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Pet Names

Another thing that makes me happy...  Gayly so.

Dan has recently taken to calling me "rabbit"...  After a bugs bunny cartoon he recounted for me last night after I finally asked why he was calling me "rabbit".

"You might, rabbit.  You might."  (Click to see the youtube clip)

He has called me things like "Nucky" in the past just because we had been watching a lot of Boardwalk Empire, then...  I love Steve Buscemi, but didn't take well to being called a nickname after his character...

"The Nucky's"
I don't know...  I don't really see it?

Current list of pet names I'm called:

Little Girl
and now: Rabbit.


It's the little things, kids.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Currently Reading:

As I mentioned, I bought that SoulPancake book and it's definitely full of great ideas and inspiration, but I went a little book crazy and bought a few others, as well...  So, since things have been a bit hectic and the only real time I've had to read has been in bed at night, I started this:

I adore David Sedaris.  I've read all of his other books, and somehow missed this one.  I went ahead and purchased this along with his newest work Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk.

I usually tear through David's books, so I'll give you an update as soon as I'm finished.  I've only read the first chapter so far about David getting a job in his early 30's as a Macy's Christmas elf.  I laughed uncontrollably through most of it.  Thank god Dan's a deep sleeper.  :)

If you're feeling at all low due to the holiday season, I highly recommend any of his books.  They'll quickly and magically turn your mood around.  


Friday, December 17, 2010

Sharing is Caring.

Here's something neato I found:!  A place where artists can swap art.  Finding places like this is inspiring me to make some new artwork of my own.


How cool???  Yes.  I am fascinated and inspired by some morbid stuff.  Sue me.  Anyway, they are SO cheap!!  I may get the whole set.

Speaking of inspiration, I plan on getting some use out of my really super nice camera AC gave me two xmases ago.  :)  After looking through my iphone photos, I notice that I actually do have a bit of an eye for composition, and certainly a passion for photography, so long as my subjects interest me (which of course they do because I'm not being forced to take pictures anymore), so why did I let that get lost?  No longer!

Speaking of letting things go or get lost-- before it gets any later, I need to mention my amazing last weekend.  Specifically 12/11/10.  Wow.

First off, I must say that the older we get, the more fun we have together--  My older sister and I always have a blast and it sucks that we're farther apart, now, and can't do it more often, but this past weekend was one for the books.  She informed me a few months ago that a German band we used to see frequently when we were younger that stopped touring in the U.S. 10 years ago was coming to do ONE SHOW here-- RAMMS+EIN, Madison Square Gardens, NYC, 12/11/10.  She of course made sure we had tickets and we were set.  We spent the months leading up to the show reminiscing about the past shows we had been to and meeting different members of the band, waking up the lead singer being loud outside of their tourbus, or the keyboardist autographing a pack of cigarettes, "Flake Lights".  We couldn't have been happier imagining how this night was going to go...  or so we thought...

My sister found out that her (I think it's safe to say) favorite musician of all time, Sir Paul McCartney, would be playing SNL that very night.  We would be in the same city on the same night as Paul!!!  Well, I thought the coincidence was too uncanny, so told her she should talk to her friend, Scott, that works for SNL (yeah, she has the hookups), and see if we could maybe get into the after party that night.  What an after party it would be!  She decided to ask, and he came back with way more than we ever could have hoped for...

So the night played out like this--

I arrive in NYC at Grand Central Station and follow a group of drunken "Santas" talking about how they're all going to attempt to get blow jobs that night, in the direction of my hotel that was only a few blocks away.

I wait fireside for Leanne in the lobby of our swanky NYC hotel.

We kill some time in the hotel making each other laugh.  I started in frame one taking a candid pic without her knowledge.  She quickly caught on.  By the end, I was crying, I was laughing so hard (click to enlarge)...

THEN, we had a quaint little dinner after walking around for what seemed to be forever, then headed to RAMMS+EIN!

The boys let us sing most of "Du Hast".

And some fire breathing...

It was an amazing show, as always.  They boys hadn't aged in 10 years and sounded AMAZING.  It was truly a pleasure to see them again.  I really hope they decide to tour the US again.  We will certainly be there if they do.

Before we knew it, the boys said goodnight and it was time to RUN (literally) out of the venue, buy some merch and hop in a cab to SNL!

Scott OUTDID himself with the SNL hookup.  We spent the entire show backstage.  First in the main writer's room (where Elizabeth Banks stopped by -- she's FAR more stunning in person, if you can believe THAT), and then in the Weekend Update writing room.  I snapped one photo of the line-up in the weekend update room.  They post up all their ideas and then many of them (as you can see) are cut.  The line up here is what aired that night.  :-)

Not only did we stay backstage the entire show, but also Scott made sure we got down on the floor to watch Sir Paul play for every song.  He even took us through the maze of backstage where the dressing rooms, make up and sets are (where we ran into a few amazing cast members that I wish I had more time to chat with!) to get even closer on the floor to Paul.  The stars sure came out to see him, too.  

Paul played 3 songs during the show and one to close the show out as the credits rolled.  When everyone at home saw the show end, Paul continued to play for the cast, crew and audience.  We stood/danced next to the SNL cast, Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm, Jennifer Aniston, Joe Lo Truglio, and Scott Adsit (Pete Hornberger on 30 Rock) to name a few.  It didn't matter.  We were all completely dumbfounded being that close to a BEATLE.  Getting a private show from someone who is more famous than maybe anyone else on the planet at this point.  It was ridiculous...  I could have never dreamed up such a night.  

The best part of the night, by far, was watching Leanne's face throughout the evening.  Her favorite current band, her all-time favorite musician, almost running straight into Paul McCartney in the hallway on our way back upstairs...  I've never seen an adult glow and grin ear to ear like my sister did that night.  It was truly an honor to witness seeing her that happy.  And to be honest, I probably wasn't that far off...

Thanks again, Scott.  You're the bee's knees.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things (Currently) Ver. 01

Things I'm loving right now?

01.  Sephora Nail Lacquer.  Every time I look down at my nails, I smile.  I bought Sephora's "L29 - Teeny Bikini" Nail Lacquer on a whim thinking I was getting a mint green.  It is the exact Tiffany's blue/green color and I'm in love with it.  It's also GREAT quality.  I can't keep OPI nail polish on my fingernails for more than 1 day without lots of chipping, but this has lasted 3!  I am obsessed and highly recommend it, but I don't think their colors on the site show very accurately.  A Tip?  Type in the color and brand into google images and people post pics of their already painted nails holding the bottle to show true-to-color.  :)  Get it HERE!!!

02.  Sunday nights.  I love Sundays because we always have fun TV to watch and because it's always just Dan and I hanging out and relaxing for the most part.  The Xmas spirit is alive in our house on Sunday nights and I'm loving it.  See if you can find:

  • Hot Chocolate (for him)
  • Choco chip cookies (for him)
  • Ginger snap thins (for her)
  • Red Wine (South American Malbecs are my new obsession)
  • Steak knife leftover from our steak dinner
  • Xmas card from my parents
  • OPI (Jade is the New Black)
  • Netflix (How to Train Your Dragon - haven't watched it, yet.  Probably Sunday)
03.  Beach House - The band.  Man, I can't believe I never knew about these guys.  They're from Baltimore, MD and they're great!  Check them out here:  I recommend listening to "Gila" and "Master of None" first (that's what I did at Chase Lisbon's twitter suggestion), then download their albums.  They're really great and chill and perfect for winter.

04.  CT Sunsets.  This is my view on my drive home each day...  guess I should be grateful for this (Click to enlarge):


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Looking Forward To: Ver. 01

1.  Going home for Xmas and seeing my family and friends.

2.  Blue Cheese Mushroom soup from Annabell Lee Tavern. My favorite restaurant in all of Charm City. Yum!

3. Spending my first Xmas eve with Dan in our apartment with our tree

4. SoulPancake the BOOK arriving!

I saw Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute) plugging this book on Conan and it's exactly what I've been looking for! He explained that the book has tidbits throughout it like trying random acts of kindness-- For example: Reverse Pickpocket. Take a $5 or even a $1 and put it in a stranger's pocket or purse or whatever. This came right after Dan and I had gone to a restaurant and I picked a flower from the front of the restaurant and put it under a stranger's windshield wiper. I know that would brighten my day...

The book (and website which you can sign up for FREE both include creative challenges, which I'm a big fan of. The only thing I really miss about school was the assignments. Someone to give me projects that would force me to be creative. I loved that. Now I've found a place online where I can get that daily. It's also a social site so you can talk to others, post your own creative challenges and random questions (like creative challenges for writers). For example: "What is your favorite piece of silverware to wash?" Fun! Which brings me to number 5.


I stumbled upon this cool little site yesterday while reading through Kelle Hampton's Blog. It's a site that provides daily challenges for you to accomplish-- little goals which make the big picture less overwhelming. Things that either boost your emotional health or physical health. It's excellent and I'm really digging it so far.

That's what I'm looking forward to at the moment.  That and this migraine to go away...


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"Only Fools are Positive."

Wiping the slate clean and re-starting this blog with a new title and a new focus:

I've always been a pessimist and said, "Expecting the worst is great because if the worst does happen, you're ready for it and if not, it's a pleasant surprise!" I realize now that "you make your own happiness" is completely true in a lot of ways and keeping a pessimistic outlook on life is not going to get me closer to nirvana any quicker...

I've always gone on rants about how now that we are adults, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. Our mothers are not going to call and make dentist appointments and doctor appointments for us. They are not going to be there to sign us up for dance classes and wake us up for school (or work). As adults, if we have dates to make, we need to set our own alarms and get ourselves up and ready and be there on time. If we are bored, we have to seek out hobbies or find our own areas of interest to entertain us. If we are sick, we have to make our own doctors appointments. This goes for mental health, as well. There seems to be a deep stigma attached to people seeking help for their own happiness and well-being. Just as easy as it is to make up excuses not to go to the gym (because it's too cold, because you went yesterday, because you didn't eat anything bad all day, because your tummy hurts, because you don't have the time or money, etc.), it's just as easy (if not EASIER), to make up excuses for why you don't have time to deal with your own issues that are holding you back from happiness.

Money and time are the lamest excuses. Nothing is more important (or at least shouldn't be) than your health and happiness. If you have a job, I'm sure they will let you go for a doctor's appointment. If you "don't have extra money", then maybe you shouldn't have bought those new jeans or packed your lunch all week instead of eating out, or maybe you skip a weekend out at the bar! *GASP* Yeah. I said it. BAM. All of a sudden, you have the time and money to go see a therapist and start examining yourself.

Not everyone NEEDS therapy, though I don't think it would do any damage... I believe the main thing people fail to realize is that the amount of stress and pain they may be internalizing comes out in other ways if they aren't dealing with it. It comes out on the people around them (friends, family, co-workers). The person in pain/stress may not be dealing with it, but I can guarantee that the people around you are more than likely finding themselves dealing with it.

It's not that these people want to place their issues on others, but in not taking responsibility for your happiness, you're placing the responsibility on others.

That is one huge round-about way of saying that I spent many years in therapy learning about myself and what makes me happy, unhappy, stressed, anxious, joyous, etc. I learned how to be healthy and think through my stresses and most importantly, how to communicate these things to others.

Before leaving Baltimore, my therapist, WHO I WAS PAYING, told me she thought I was "done". She thought I had gotten to a place where I was emotionally mature enough to take care of myself and to think through each situation I find myself in on my own, and basically left it up to me to continue the path of bettering myself. More adult responsibility. In the meantime, I've focused on alternative ways of exploring happiness and how to live a more fulfilling, happy life. Basically taking my therapy into my own hands.

I'm sarcastic and have my down days for SURE. I'm overly-emotional and have to constantly remind myself of what I have to be grateful and thankful for. It's an ongoing process that I am going through, but I promise I am making great effort to be more positive in my everyday life.

Through getting closer with one of my friends from Baltimore even after my move to Connecticut, I have found myself wanting to be a better person and wanting to let go of the negativity I have recently realized that I've always carried. I'm human, so I will err. But I figure if I have a place to write about where I am in certain points, I can at least let it be a string tied around my finger to remind myself where I'm supposed to be headed.

As a reminder for things that have inspired me:
The Four Agreements

More to come.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Am I A Grown Up?

If someone told me two years ago that I'd be packing up, leaving Baltimore and my beloved job because I'm truly in love and in an incredibly healthy relationship, I'd tell them to lay off the crack.

But if someone had told me this, they'd be right because that is what is happening.

Yesterday, I reached over to turn the volume down on the mixing board while I was explaining to my new intern how all the hardware works and watched as my left hand pulled the knobs down... I don't know if it was because I was wearing a black cardigan, the L.A.M.B. watch, the accidental pale pink translucent nail polish I chose at the nail salon last week, or that my hands really belong to an adult, but boy did it look grown up. I wouldn't have recognized my hand in a line-up.

And for once, it didn't make me want to throw up.

Whether this is because I'm happy, and mentally the most healthy I've probably ever been, or because I'm old enough to know that the pressures I used to read and take such close notice to in the past (ie: girl magazines, mens magazines, my friends and their dreams being shoved down my throat) are bullshit, I'm not sure.

My mother used to always say that in a healthy relationship, things would progress naturally. That the two people, as a couple, would make goals together and complete them together. She said the two people would support each other and be there for each other and you wouldn't have to nag or ask, and that's how you would know you were in the right place...

I always understood this logic, but I had never lived it. I had always nagged and I always had to beg for any attention at all. If I brought up goals, it brought up arguments, and they were my goals alone. Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish people would learn from my mistakes. I wish people would remember where I was, and see where I am now and be happy for me. I also wish people wouldn't so easily forget what I came from and how long I suffered being the doormat who tried to make a person love her for so long. It's a pathetic way to live, and that behavior is nothing less than unattractive (to men or women).

Now that what my mother was saying has clicked and makes perfect sense, I feel foolish for wasting so much time, but really "blessed" (not in the spiritual sense, but more than lucky) that everything happened as it did. If I would have attempted this relationship any earlier, it would have failed, I truly believe. I believe that everything for both of us outside of "us" needed to run it's course so that we could be completely alone in "us". It's been amazing, and back when I used to daydream of the perfect situation and my perfect life and exactly all that I wanted, I could have never guessed that one day I would really have it.

It's hard for me to not shout from the rooftops that I am ridiculously in love and the luckiest girl in the world, but when I even begin to mention my happiness, I can see the looks on my "friends" faces turn. It's funny how people would rather hear you complain about your life than ever hear about your happiness, unless they themselves are in your exact same situation. I guess I've been guilty of the same in the past (negative drama is always far more amusing than lovey stories), but I'm pretty positive I was a far better actress.

So for now, I'll keep to telling my boyfriend that I'm the luckiest girl for having him in my life, and telling this blog and my twitter which I keep mostly just for writing down my own thoughts for myself. Each day, something happens to reaffirm he is right when he says, "who cares? You won't have to worry and be upset about any of this when we move".

Passive aggressiveness is not something I ever warmed up to.

Looking forward to change and hope the change doesn't lead to losing friends in the process... I don't want to be seen as doing something wrong by being happy.