Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Chronic Pain is Pretty Fucking Painful

My endometriosis pain has gotten to yet another new level.  It's made me start looking into a bit more on the subject of chronic pain vs. specific endometriosis pain.  If pain management is the way to go for now, I need to know more about it.

I came across this article I found pretty interesting.  While it's pretty obvious why people who are constantly in pain would find themselves dealing with depression, it's not as clear that they may be lacking a fear most people have that keep them from hurting themselves or worse:

"The natural and deep fear of pain, injury and death stops people from hurting themselves, and this includes people who have high desire for suicide. It might not be as hard for someone who has already had to contend with a lot of physical pain.”

Interesting, right?  I never thought about it because I haven't really thought about hurting myself seriously since high school (except for very rare occasions sprinkled throughout adulthood).  There's always something to be said about the tattooing and piercing experiences being therapeutic because it's so much easier feeling physical pain than emotional pain, but what if you're dealing with both all of the time?

No pain at all starts to sound a hell of a lot more tempting than constant physical pain and depression.

Adina said that for the person with chronic pain, suicide would stop their pain and that would be a huge relief.  But it would cause so many others a new/different pain.  It's hard to remember that at times, also.  That even though there's only a handful of people (my family included) that would notice if I were gone, it would be enough for me to continue to suffer through this because I couldn't bare the thought of hurting my family or Adina.

That's me.  Living for others.  I hope it's worth it to just one because currently it's not feeling so worth it for me.