A Few Reasons to Miss Maryland:

I have been spoiled rotten lately with all the friend-filled weekends I've been having.  This weekend was no exception.  The weekend was jam-packed wall-to-wall with friends AND it was a long weekend, so that made it extra exciting!  Friday night, I drove down to Baltimore with Dan as my co-pilot and DJ.  He made the road trip fun and hilarious, as always.  It was a smooth drive for the most part and we made no stops outside of CT.  Straight on through to Emily and Jeremy's in record time.

Jeremy greeted us in his PJs and we caught up quickly before settling into bed and having a laugh session that was so intense, I got to that point of silent laughing (because I can't breathe) and tears streaming down both sides of my face.  Something about putting my finger in Dan's ass and "Urethra Franklin?"  I blame it on being delirious from the insane work week, lack of sleep because of the insane work week, and the 5.5 hours of driving.

In the AM, we were promptly greeted by Vegeta (Em and J's friendly and vocal cat) and tons of squeezes from Emily.  It was fucking great.  I talk to Emily every day, so it pains me that we don't get to physically be together that often anymore for the great hugs, happy hours, fashion shows, or just the exchange of laughter between the two of us.  God damn do I miss it, and I really had no idea just how much until returning home and going through all of my pictures from the time spent there (I got a bit depressed, but I'll get to that later).  We had such a good time.  Sarah came over and brought her precious little Luke Marley who was so chill and sweet and I didn't want to let go of when he fell asleep on me right before heading home.  Come ON!

After grilling, we just hung out and chatted and got ready for the evening.  We headed to Hamilton Tavern for pre-dinner drinks.  It was as cute as I was expecting and we had dinner at Clementine (FINALLY).  Em and J started by ordering the charcuterie plate (of the day) that was to die for.  The sausage was insane.  Hands down the best I've ever had.  It was accompanied by a dijon cheese and a chicken liver pate that had brown sugar in it.  The mix of sweet, salty and savory was PERFECT.  I had the meatloaf, and it was so delicious, and of course, Em and I killed two bottles of red.  Since that wasn't enough, we headed back to Hamilton Tavern for a nightcap.  I had such a great time.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  It was non-stop chatter and laughing.  I couldn't have asked for a better night.  We headed home full and happy and buzzed and I spent the next hour teaching Emily how to do a time step (a tap step *HOP-STEP-SHILLACK-BALL-CHANGE*).  We did this on her porch for at least 40 minutes, then took it inside.

Love My Carpet??

They were perfect hosts, and perfect friends and I miss them already.

Sunday, however, we had morning coffee and split an english muffin, recounted our evening, showered and headed out.  I must've hugged Emily 5 times before leaving.  Gah.

We headed to the mall.  I brought a dress that I adore, but is really big on me.  This is one of many in my closet that I can't really wear because they don't fit properly.  I need a tailor.  If the bottom of a dress fits me (and is fitted snug on my body), then chances are the top does not.  My body is not proportionate.  I don't have big jugs to go with my big ass, hips and thighs.  I've grown to appreciate my curves a bit more with the help of Christina Hendricks (Joan Holloway), but she has the top half to match the bottom half...  Anyhoo, I found a new dress that fit a bit better, we had lunch and headed to our hotel to check in.

We made our way to Patrick and Nikki's wedding which ended up being a total blast.  I saw people there I hadn't seen in months, like Mr. Don Boots (who, by the way, DRINKS now.  Yeah.  That was different), and people I hadn't seen in YEARS, like my old bosses from Mission Media.  They were thrilled to see me and we laughed and caught up like no time had passed.

Custom weddin' shoes.  Golden Girls approved.

Yeah, so THIS happens, now...

I traded my sky-high strappy wedges for my chucks right after the ceremony.  The wedding was beautiful and every detail was perfectly executed.  We danced a lot.

One of my favorite pics ever taken.

The weekend really made me miss Maryland for the first time in a long time.  A lot of what I considered "home" about Maryland has changed so much since I left, but clearly, after that weekend, I knew there was still a lot there that was very "me" and very "home".

Lighting our way out of the drive.

Dan and I made our way back to CT Monday, and aside from some incredibly uncomfortable cramping, the trip went smoothly.  Unfortunately, the moment I drove back into the state, I got a bit depressed.  Our apartment and anywhere I am with Dan is home for me.  That's easy and simply true, but there's so much about Connecticut that hasn't been easy...  and there's so much about Maryland that is/was so effortless.  I know it isn't fair to compare a place that I grew up in with a place I've only lived a little over a year, but it's more about the vibes, the people, the connections...  or lack thereof.

I know once Dan finishes his residency, we'll find a place that can be that effortless for both of us.  I still sometimes secretly hope that by the time his residency is over, I'll be in love with the state and have a ton of great friends and love my job and want to put roots down here...  but it's unfortunately not looking so great...  I guess deep down I know how much Dan loves it here since he wanted so badly to come back, so I hope I'll fall in love with it too.  I want him to be happy more than I give a shit about my happiness, but at the same time, there has to be some sort of a balance.  It can't be all great for one and all awful for the other.  There's got to be some positives in my life...  I just haven't found them here in CT, yet.

I'm struggling with not having something to look forward to...  although maybe I should make the end of Dan's residency my something to look forward to?  It's farther off than my usual little goals of happiness are, but I've got to start looking forward to something.  Looking ahead.  My happiness has seemed to be falling with the leaves, lately and getting through each day is as far as I can look ahead.  As we all know, when it rains, it pours, and it's been getting a bit damp around here, lately.

I'll leave it at that for now, as I could run on all day about the "what ifs" and "should'ves"...

For now, thank you, Maryland, for another wonderful weekend.

xo,
Rachael