It's almost as if I waved a magic wand with that last post. Everything is better. It's an odd balance between everything feeling more normal/comfortable and me feeling more content. It's nice and cozy, here. People have been coming out of the woodwork-- old friends, new friends-- And not in response to anything in particular. It's just been people showing they care or miss me in small ways that just happen to mean the world, which got me thinking...
With these little random texts I've gotten or comments on a post or emails or calls, it fills me with this warm, drunk-on-love feeling. I get really smiley and happy, then a little teary-eyed, then excited. So excited, in fact, that I usually end up clenching my fists and squealing. I just get so overwhelmed with these random acts of kindness that I can't contain the happy.
I've noticed that since these little sweet notes have been making their way to me, I've been handing them out without even thinking--not just responding to the messengers, but commenting when I normally wouldn't, or texting someone if I think of them without hesitation. Spreading the love, I guess. It's contagious.
And the best part about it all is that it makes me feel insanely good to do it. Knowing that I probably made someone smile gives me a buzz. It's how I want to be known and remembered. Someone who was thoughtful and cared. When you aren't feeling that way, I guess you're less inclined to hand out compliments and attention thinking that you aren't someone anyone wants to hear from, but it simply can't be the case-- Everyone enjoys a compliment or an "I'm thinking of you" every now and again.
The most important compliment I've received lately was appreciation out of nowhere. An old friend contacted me to let me know that I had always been an important person in her life when I was around in Baltimore. That I was the only person who tried to include her and that I always knew and still know the right things to say when she asks for advice or needs someone to simply listen. It was some kind of reassurance and acknowledgement that I couldn't have dreamed up on my own. It was important and beautiful and made me feel like a lot of the normal everyday things I did in the past didn't completely go unnoticed. Validation feels good.
We recently watched an episode of The Marriage Ref where the complaint from the husband was that his (crazy) wife over-used Thank You cards. She would hunt down people who helped her in the grocery store who probably didn't remember her at all and would give them notes. I assume if you're giving Thank You notes for every little thing, they lose some of their luster and importance, but I hardly see over-appreciation a negative. She probably makes so many people's days with those notes while only annoying a few...
Adina and I discussed how wonderful these flecks of appreciation are, but how truly sad it is that they're so rare. I think more "Thank You"s are in order. Thank someone in your life for something today... I am going to try and make a habit of this. In this moment, this positivity doesn't feel forced.