Menopause at 28...

Sounds awesome, right?

This week I've been doubled over, crying, not sleeping, constantly nauseous, exhausted, sweating profusely (from being attached to a heating pad constantly), and holding or pressing on my stomach.  My endometriosis has resurfaced with a vengeance this week.  I suppose it's slowly been creeping back, but the pains I've been feeling this week have been unbearable.  I don't remember the cramps being this bad except during my first periods following my surgeries.  All the spots that had been lasered and scraped at start bleeding and it's obviously painful.  That's what it's felt like this week, but the hard part is, there's no light at the end of this tunnel this time.  I don't have months/years of less pain to look forward to because I haven't just had surgery.

For years I have been avoiding the drug called Lupron.  It has been used to help treat the symptoms of endometriosis by putting women into a reversible menopausal state (it is also used to treat men with advanced prostate cancer).  Along with not getting your cycle, you get the hot flashes, joint aches, bone loss, mood swings, etc. etc. etc.  All the fun stuff you hear women talk about when going through "the change".   My doctor in Baltimore wasn't a big fan of this option, either.  He knew it sounded as horrible as cramping from endometriosis can get...

I always said I would rather just manage the pain with medication for as long as I possibly could.  I have had some success with the surgeries, so I would prefer that I could take that route again.  My new doctor doesn't seem to think that's a good option unless I was ready to try to get pregnant in the next year (which obviously I'm not close to) since the surgery helps increase fertility.

After not sleeping last night, I had to call and make an appointment with the doctor for Wednesday.  I've spent most of the day upset, anxious and dreading the thought of having to take this treatment path.  It's horrible, but there are really very few options for endometriosis.  I cry any time I actually let myself think about getting the shots and what it might do to me and the new stresses my body will have to deal with, and more scary to me-- my mind.  I am pretty open and honest about my bouts with depression.  I've had problems with birth control in the past that made me more sensitive and moody and I hated life that way...  I can't imagine willingly singing up for something that may make me depressed and miserable...  and to have to go through it up here alone...  It's really hard.  It's not an option I'm wanting to choose, but I don't feel like I have a choice.

I guess I'll see what he has to say Wednesday...

xo,
Rachael