Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What Doesn't Kill Us... Still Sucks.

"Gym Loris"
It's official.  I've been sick for a week, now.  I got a flu shot this year, and I'm not even quite sure that this is the flu, but it's awful.  I move like molasses and think at the same speed.  I've only gone to the gym maybe twice the whole week and decided to deem myself a "gym loris" instead of "gym rat" or "gym mouse" or "gym rabbit", as Dan sometimes refers to me.  I'm skipping it again today.

My fingers even type slower, and all of my joints ache.  Even each individual knuckle in my digits, my elbows, knees and hips.

So while I wanted to write a nice Valentine's Day post about the beautiful Valentine's Day flowers my daddy had sent to my work, Dan and I's dinner, my new dress and tights (Marshall's - Dress $12, Givenchy tights $6), the couple's massage that is yet to be scheduled and the tattoo gift certificate that has Dan's mind contemplating what his next piece of permanent artwork will be, it will have to wait, or may be just a memory for myself and not the internets.

I've somehow managed to schedule a casting session, make casting selects and coordinate a shoot in 2 days.  We'll see how the editing goes.  Hopefully as quickly, or we won't meet our deadline.  Shoot is Friday, and if I'm not well by then, we will have some serious problems.

I can't edit or animate like a slow loris.  It's unacceptable in this situation.  And while I'd say I would take the entire weekend to lay around and rest up for the upcoming (crammed) work week, I can't.  Dan has packed it full of social plans, which I am usually yearning for.

I have fallen asleep after dinner on the couch each night this week.  It's a combination of my illness and the new heating blanket Dan got us that lands me in an instant coma as soon as it's switched on and turned up above the "6" setting.  (Mental note:  I should change the words to "Instant Karma" to "Instant Coma" before I drift off next time...)  I never nap, so this is definitely my body telling me something is up.

V-Day Flowers from Daddy
On top of the sick and exhaustion and fair amount of depression swirling around, there has also been a new development in my endometriosis.  And by "new development", I mean it's back.  It's insane that it truly does pop up every two years (with a surgery in between each of the two years).  During the two years, I rarely think about it and then out of nowhere-- BAM!  There's the reminder that your downstairs mix up is a jumbled mess you'd like to throw down the garbage disposal.

I'm attempting to reach out to a new specialist up here, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable going to someone new to do my next surgery (which is seemingly inevitable).  I just wish I could scrape it all out and be done with it.  Last night I was saying, "I'll just take em out, and I'm sure SOMEBODY..." then I stopped.  "Nevermind.  No one would want those bunk ass ovaries and uterus."  Defective.  That's how I feel.  Not in the "ohhh, I'm broken" type of sense, but in the "who needs em'?" type of sense.  I'm just tired of having to take meds ALL THE TIME.

Anyhoo, that's what's new.  I will be writing a NY Fashion Week post in the near future as soon as my fingers hurt less.  This year has been unlike any other since I actually got to experience a lot of it from the comfort of my own apartment (or office...).  It was truly amazing and has changed my life and inspired me beyond words.  I'll attempt to explain with words in my next post.



  1. I hope you're feeling better, girl! That slow loris is super cute -- much cuter than a rat, which is already pretty cute, so don't feel bad about being a gym loris ;)

    So what's gonna happen with your downstairs now? :(

    p.s. Super cute dress!

  2. I LOVE the slow loris. I watch it anytime I'm down. I want one so bad.

    And I'm finally feeling better, thanks for asking! :) I got well as quickly as I got sick. Two days ago, I finally woke up without a swollen throat. I feel like a new person!

    My downstairs is a mess... internally, anyway. I've had endometriosis ( forever and had my first surgery for it 4 years ago. They just go in 4 tiny little holes they put in my tummy and laser out the endometriosis they find and any cysts or anything. Basically, it's like clockwork. Every 2 years, the endo grows back and is painful as all get-out. I basically just do pain management throughout the 2 years and then when it gets unbearable again, I have the surgery again.

    People who have it really bad either have a hysterectomy or do this reversible menopause treatment, which I refuse to do because I watched my mother go through early menopause due to chemotherapy and she was miserable. I'd rather take some vicodin than deal with hot flashes, depression and growing a mustache (not that my mom went through the last part, but that's one of the side effects of the treatment. No thanks).

    You really don't realize how much the surgery actually helps until the pain gets bad again. Oy.

    Apparently having a child can get rid of it in some cases. I don't know if I ever will, but until that's decided, I'm waiting on the hysterectomy... For now. ;-)

    And thanks about the dress. Can't believe it was only $12. Amazing. I love Marshall's.

  3. Man, I need an easy way to subscribe to comments on Blogspot.

    Ack, I can only imagine how bad the pain can be -- and even so I bet my imagination doesn't even come close. Sometimes I wish I were a guy. I think I'd rather have all that dangly stuff than deal with this internal system that I can't even see!

    Marshall's, TJ Maxx, Ross, Burlington Coat Factory -- love that type of store.

  4. I can put you on a list that gets an email each time I update. That's how I get your updates. Let me know if you want me to do that (and I'll need your email addy). If you ever want me to take you off of it, too! :)

    The pain is rough. It's really intense and deep and happens for a very long time. I ended up having my lady time twice last month which was just a blast. I have plenty of gross and horrific stories I could tell, but I'll spare you.

    I almost always would rather be a dude. Except for the grossness, lack of emotion at times and fashion. I'd miss the clothes. :)

    I love all of those stores. I've found the online equivalents by signing up for Rue La La, Ideeli and Gilt. Danger!

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