Showing posts with label snow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snow. Show all posts
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Halloween Memories
This was the first year that I actually got to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. It reminded me of being a kid and our Halloween traditions and rituals my parents lovingly built for us. For a while, when all the neighborhood kids were youngin's and the neighbors actually all spoke to one another, we would take a hay ride from house to house where each neighbor would set up a fun halloween activity. I remember being blindfolded and reaching in to feel the "eyeballs" (wet grapes), "brains" (cold spaghetti), and so on. We would bob for apples at one stop and take in warm apple cider at the next. The dads were involved by driving us all around in the wagons of hay secured to the backs of their tractors. It seemed normal at the time, but looking back on it, it was probably pretty unique.
We lived in the middle of nowhere and on "our side of the fork", there was really only our one little street (Sunnyside Drive. No, seriously.) that was lined with houses. Because there were only a handful of houses to get candy from, the parents made it extra special for us. Some houses would go as far as playing halloween sound effect tapes when we approached to really set the mood. Imagine that.
I vividly remember being so proud each year of our costumes. My mom would hand-make all of them. We would go to Jo-Ann Fabrics, pick out our costumes from massive catalogues of designs and buy the pack of patterns, the fabric, any extra glitter or hardware we needed, and then my mom would somehow find time to break out her sewing machine (while working full-time) and make us the most impressive costumes. There are a couple of pictures of all us neighborhood kids in a group and amongst the store-bought plastic masks and cheapy transparent costumes overtop their regular jeans and sweaters, we three stood out. The other parents must've secretly hated mine. I would have if I were them.
I remember the first time I bought a costume for myself (as an adult), I felt like I was cheating. I felt like I had copped out... I always try to really go extreme on the make-up effects if I buy a costume, so I don't feel like I'm totally disappointing my mom's sweet traditions.
Anyway, after the kids in our neighborhood got a little older, we didn't have the biggest group any longer. My mom would drive us over to the "other side of the fork" where there was a much bigger neighborhood. Bryantown Hills. It was tits. It really was the perfect neighborhood for trick-or-treating. The houses were close to each other for the most part (not as close as in a city, of course, but you didn't need to be driven around in a tractor wagon) and there were tons of houses all handing out candy. We would take pillowcases and come back with TONS of candy. It was good candy, too. Chocolate. Not Dots, Necco Wafers and dum dums (I call that "shit candy") which I saw this year they sell in a bag all together that is both the cheapest bag you can buy and also the one that will make kids feel like they wasted their time even bothering to show up at your house.
The reason I bring this up is because there was a specific house we went to that had a husband and wife who opened the door to give us candy. The husband was a bloodied up dentist and the wife was his patient. She had blood all over her mouth and shirt and teeth (real teeth or damn good fake ones) handing around her neck on strands of floss. It was brutal and amazing. They informed us that they were heading out to a party later on and it always stuck with me. I knew I wanted to be those people. It was so cool to see adults dressed up for Halloween. It was a new concept for me. I believe this was pre-slut-o-ween times, so while little girls still dressed up pretty like little princesses and little boys dressed like super heros, there was still a great amount emphasis put on scary. I try to keep that alive today and it's greatly in part because of that couple in Bryantown Hills.
So, what I'm trying to say, is that this year, I finally got to be that couple. Dan and I dressed up just to hand out candy. A costume I've been wanting to do for years, I finally did. No one understood what it was from (I was called "Dr. Piggy" a lot), but we dressed up as the Dr. and nurse characters from the "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder" episode of Twilight Zone. Of course we switched it up and Dan was the female nurse, which was fine with me. Scrubs are like pajamas and I'd much rather be in PJs and sneakers than tights and a small dress (especially with the amount of snow that was outside).
Almost all of the costumes I saw were store bought. There were also a few kids that were far too old to be trick-or-treating and had no costumes at all, but I'm too much of a wuss to tell them to fuck off... We found out mid-way through the evening from our neighbor that they had actually cancelled trick-or-treating in our area because of all the down trees and power lines. It made sense, but I'll be damned if I was going to be a part of ruining some kids Halloween. We had our jack-o-lanterns out and lit before the sun went completely down and had our HAPPY HALLOWEEN sign (Dan made) prominently displayed on our door. I'm glad some rebellious kids and parents stuck to their original plan and celebrated the greatest holiday of all.
Hopefully next year we'll see more kids and costumes (apparently they usually get around 150!), there won't be snow on the ground and we'll have more to dress up for than just handing out candy. Hope everyone had a great (and eventful) Halloween. Keep those traditions alive. It may impact some kid more than you know.
xo,
Rachael
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Snow on My Parade
In Connecticut today, it snowed. It's October, and it legitimately snowed. Not a flurry. Not a light dusting. Close to a foot (at least) out there, currently. I had an appointment to have my oil changed and tires rotated, and as I drove to the dealership, the snow started falling. By the time I left the dealership, all of the cars were covered in snow and I wasn't there for 45 minutes. My original plan for the rest of the day was to pamper myself. Go get my nails done. Relax. I've been going non-stop since before I left for St. Louis for work. I've been dealing with a lot lately, and it was all catching up with me this past week.
The drive home was scary. Lots of trees down. I parked in our driveway and not 10 minutes after I got home, I heard a large crash. I ran to the back window to see what had fallen. There was a tree branch that had my car pinned in. Our driveway is surrounded by large trees. There were more branches cracking and dangling over our cars... We all moved quickly. The neighbors and I dragged the massive branches as far as we could to get them out of the way and drove to the school that's a block away to park. My wheels spun and my neighbor had to push my car to get it into the spot... October...
I took the long way round to get home to just drive near the nail shop and told myself if it wasn't too bad, I'd go ahead and have them done... Well, I got to the nail shop and it was that bad. It was REALLY bad... but I went anyway. I can't describe how badly I needed today- a day of rest. A day alone.
Today was depressing for a lot of reasons. The snow/freezing cold was certainly a big reason... Anyone who knows me know how badly I hate winter, and to have it creep up months early is almost enough to make me want to off myself... but on top of that, it is what usually is my favorite weekend of the year. Halloween weekend. Normally, I would find myself in some bar surrounded by friends, all in costume, drinking and laughing the night away. Two years ago, I had the best Halloween I've ever had in Baltimore. Everything about the night was wonderful. Dan and I both dressed up, had friends who we don't see often come stay with me and we used my old place of work (I miss dearly) as a playground between bars. It was fucking perfect. Last year I was in a friend's wedding, so Halloween wasn't really celebrated as much as the marriage was, of course. This year, I had my dream costumes (that I've wanted to do for years) all ready to go and realized I had nowhere to go...
Tonight I don't just find myself with nowhere to go (because CT doesn't really do Halloween like MD does AND because of the weather), but also alone. Dan took a shift at the hospital tonight... When he asked what I thought of it, I said "do whatever you have to do" because I don't want to dictate what he does, ever, but I guess it really kind of hurt more than I was expecting. Partly because it's an important weekend for me, last year was a rough Halloween weekend for me, we went through the trouble of getting costumes, I have been a wreck lately... for so many reasons, I felt like I needed this weekend and I thought he would, too...
On the other hand, since I've been such a wreck lately, the solitude has been really nice. Sometimes I need alone time. I need time to process thoughts and feelings. I've been really depressed and stressed out lately and there's a lot going on in my brain. There's a circus happening in there. So many questions and doubts and worries and very few answers or positive. It's rough. It's a rough patch. I'm unsure of how to fix any of it.
I'm so exhausted. Mentally, I'm just drained. I've been really fucked with for the past month and I've reached my breaking point. My head is saying "enough!" My heart is deflated. My defense mechanism is up and in full effect. Unfortunately, it doesn't know how to only to be on duty while at work...
It's these times where I know therapy isn't going to help. It's purely situational. So I have to fix my situation. As usual, the responsibility falls on me to fix things for myself (surprise, surprise). I just don't know where to start this time... I think I do, and then I quickly realize I don't have many choices or at least not the ones I would like. It's easy to give up when you're constantly let down. Not sure how I'll crawl out of this one...
And on that note, hope everyone else is enjoying their Halloween weekends. Have a drink and a dance for me.
xo,
Rachael
Labels:
depression,
halloween,
snow
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