Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Chronic Pain is Pretty Fucking Painful

My endometriosis pain has gotten to yet another new level.  It's made me start looking into a bit more on the subject of chronic pain vs. specific endometriosis pain.  If pain management is the way to go for now, I need to know more about it.

I came across this article I found pretty interesting.  While it's pretty obvious why people who are constantly in pain would find themselves dealing with depression, it's not as clear that they may be lacking a fear most people have that keep them from hurting themselves or worse:


"The natural and deep fear of pain, injury and death stops people from hurting themselves, and this includes people who have high desire for suicide. It might not be as hard for someone who has already had to contend with a lot of physical pain.”

Interesting, right?  I never thought about it because I haven't really thought about hurting myself seriously since high school (except for very rare occasions sprinkled throughout adulthood).  There's always something to be said about the tattooing and piercing experiences being therapeutic because it's so much easier feeling physical pain than emotional pain, but what if you're dealing with both all of the time?

No pain at all starts to sound a hell of a lot more tempting than constant physical pain and depression.

Adina said that for the person with chronic pain, suicide would stop their pain and that would be a huge relief.  But it would cause so many others a new/different pain.  It's hard to remember that at times, also.  That even though there's only a handful of people (my family included) that would notice if I were gone, it would be enough for me to continue to suffer through this because I couldn't bare the thought of hurting my family or Adina.

That's me.  Living for others.  I hope it's worth it to just one because currently it's not feeling so worth it for me.

xo,
Rachael

3 comments:

  1. I honestly wish I could say that I know what you're going through and can sympathize, but I can't. I have no idea what your pain is like. I know what endometriosis is, I know how it's "treated," and I know that it is an extremely painful condition. I can say that at least three days a week I encounter people who have chronic pain issues, and yes, most of them are on pain meds as well as psych meds. The comorbidity exists...whether it's for depression, anxiety, bipolar, whatever...it's there.
    I know I can sit here and say "Hang in there Champ" or spout whatever motivational BS I can come up with, but seriously...I'm not going through what you are (though really I would advocate pain management BEFORE suicide). You need to do what's best for you. I know you have an OB/GYN at your disposal, but if there's anything you need I'm just a message away.

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  2. Chronic pain. Depression. Living for others. Wish I could be as open about the fact that I am right there with you. I am not dealing with endo but other pain that I am starting to wonder if it's some shitty autoimmune thing :( Here's hoping you find some lasting relief!

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    1. Thanks for the support, guys. I really need to do an update because I just got some pretty good news about my endometriosis on Monday and have been feeling a lot better the past few weeks.

      Keep strong, XLMIC. Sometimes just getting it out of my head and down on "paper" or the blog brings me some relief. You can always set your entry to private and just write it all out. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with any medical condition. It's not fun- especially when they can't pin it down and just gives you a medicine to fix it. :/ It's a tough road, but there's always support systems to tap into. You certainly aren't alone.

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