Healing Up/Dreaming Down

Today was the first day that I've felt close to normal since the surgery (*edit:  I started this post yesterday, 9/15 and that evening I ended up with sharp pains on my right side.  I woke up to find these pains had gotten worse.  At least yesterday I had a few hours of normalcy).  Progress is definitely coming right along.  They ended up doing a bit more than originally planned, so it makes sense that the pain was worse and that the healing time is taking a bit longer than the last two times I've had the procedure.  On top of the regular laparoscopy to laser off any endometriosis they find, they also did a hysteroscopy (where they go look inside the uterus) and ended up finding and removing a polyp. They also found that the top of my uterus was fused together and they cut that open. While they were in there, they saw that my appendix didn't look happy, so they took that out, too (not sure yet it that was endo related). They also inserted an IUD to try and help combat endometriosis symptoms in the future.  Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit beat up inside.

Aside from all that, I'm feeling all reflecty.  Yep.  New word I made up just now.  I blame it on being stuck alone in the house laying in bed for days on end... and maybe a tad bit because of my new Mad Men obsession, but regardless of why, I've been doing too much thinking.  About life, career, friends, family, the future.  All of it.  It's definitely a different picture than I had painted in my head years ago.  It's not that it's a bad thing or that I'm not happy with any of it, it's just different.  The sad parts are just what or who isn't here in the family portrait that I always assumed would be.  Assumption is bad.  The other stuff is just the control freak in me not being able to plan every step along the way.

Career stuff is being pondered because this week has been NY Fashion Week and whenever fashion week rolls around, I'm enamoured.  To the point of questioning if I did the right thing by going to art school instead of fashion school.  I know I did because I do love what I do, but I fucking ADORE fashion.  It makes me drool.  I've already done a post about fashion week from the Fall/Winter 2011, so I won't repeat myself, but it's really had me wrapped up and fantasizing about living a very different (glamourous) life.  It's also inspired me to jazz up my wardrobe...  and that's when I look at my bloated, heating pad burnt, scarred and bruised and taped up stomach in the mirror and go, "meh. Nevermind."

Mad Men doesn't help calm my craving for fashion and overhauling my entire wardrobe, either.  The styling for that show is absolute perfection.  Even if an episode is slow, I'm still just as excited and on the edge of my seat about what Betty Draper is wearing to whatever work dinner she has to attend while hanging off of Don's arm.  Honestly, after soaking up every ounce of Fashion Week since I've been home without much else to do, I think it's not just me who's been inspired by Mad Men fashion...  Some of those designers must spend their free time catching up with Sterling Cooper, as well.  I think all of the below looks are Betty Draper approved.  ;-)

Marc Jacobs | Spring 2012

Marc Jacobs | Spring 2012

Badgley Mischka | Spring 2012

Marc Jacobs | Spring 2012

Oscar de la Renta | Spring 2012

Hopefully tomorrow I can try to be up and about a bit more...  I'm so tired of laying in this bed...  I'm half tempted to go get a pedicure...  hmmmm...

xo,

Rachael

New Favorite Holiday

I was a lucky gal this weekend.  I was surrounded by wonderful friends, yummy food and tons of laughs.  I barely slept, but it was totally worth it.  Long, deep conversations were punctuated by reliving memories and telling stories.  Everyone in our crew this weekend, including ourselves, have been through big changes since the last time we were all together.  Eli and John and Jess are all engaged (Eli to Leslie, not John and Jess), Kevin's the chief of transplant surgery in Richmond this year and Dan and I are settled into our new apartment in Hartford.  Okay, maybe our lives haven't changed AS drastically as the rest of the crew, but we feel like we've grown and changed quite a bit since our last time hanging with everyone.  Things definitely feel different for us.

The most important and noticeable difference in all of us is our level of happiness.  The last time I saw Kevin was before I moved from Bmore, and John and Jess I've seen since then, but only quickly and out at loud clamoring bars.  Eli came to visit us right after we had moved to Hartford, but we were still quite frazzled and definitely not as happy/comfortable as we are now in our lives.  The same can be said for everyone else in their situations the last time we were together.  No one was unhappy, per say, but we were all still working on getting there.  Our priorities have definitely changed and we have all focused on that.  John and Jess have since moved in together in Annapolis, Eli is dating and engaged to a lovely gal (from what I have heard) and Kevin is loving his work.  Everyone had these borderline-goofy smiles all weekend like we were drunk off how content we all are.  It was a nice positive vibe going around that we all shared.  It's a welcomed rarity.

The only thing that could have made the weekend better was if Adina, Emily and Neal were also up, along with my family.  It's always nice to see Dan's huge supportive family and family friends, but it definitely makes me miss mine.  The Labor Day party (25 years strong) will hopefully become a tradition not only for our newest guests, but someday maybe my family, as well.  I've been a part of 3 Labor Day parties so far and each time has been such a great time.  It reminds me of how Oktoberfest at the Maryland fairgrounds used to be for me.  It was always a given that the day would be amazing no matter who was in attendance or what the weather forecast was looking like.  It hasn't failed, yet, and neither has Labor Day.  (All Labor Day pics can be found here.)

In other news, I'm gearing up for my surgery.  No Lupron/reversible menopause!!  The docs decided surgery and an IUD was the best prescription this go-around, so we'll see how that works out.  I've had a really rough pain day today and was supposed to have our second Endo-Connect meeting with the gals tonight.  I was completely ready to go all day, but the longer the day went on, the more I questioned if I would be able to make it.  The drive home from work is where I really started questioning attending, and by the time I had made it to CVS to deal with the beastly pharmacist who was clearly having a worse day than mine (but with far worse coping skills than me), I was unable to motivate myself to do anything more than lay in bed, sandwiched between my two heating pads, crying in a dark room.  I called Julie to apologize for having to miss our date and to pass along my apologies to the other gals, but that if anyone could understand not being able to make an engagement because of pain, it would probably be those gals.  They all followed up to make sure I was okay and to tell me they were sorry I wasn't feeling well.  They also offered to help nurse me back to health after surgery if I needed help, but my mama will actually be coming up to take care of me.

I'm so thrilled that my mom will finally get to see where I live, but I'm bummed that I'll be a sore lump the entire time she's here.  My parents are planning another trip up in October, so I'm really looking forward to that.  I'm also looking forward to surgery.  I really can't wait for this pain to subside.  Even if it only helps a little, it would make my life so much easier.  It's hard to be happy when you're always in pain.  Dan's been really helpful in reminding me that the pain from surgery will be different than the endo pain that I've been dealing with for the last 6+ months and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...  I hope.

The next time I blog, I'll probably have a frankentummy.  Til then...

xo,
Rachael